Perpetuation
by Verasque
Summary: He bends in half to fall into her arms and he breaks, but they both don't mind, because she is Alan and she is Alanna, and she can put him back together.


Edit (29/09/08): I've combined all the drabble entries into one chapter.

Disclaimer: all characters from SOTL are the property of Tamora Pierce.

This is darker and more mature than Palpitations, and takes place in the Lioness Rampant timeline.

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**PERPETUATION**

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**Drabble One: Welcome**

She closes her eyes as the sea water lashes her face. The boat sways dangerously, and she clenches her hands tightly, uncaring of the pain. The salty air remains unwelcome, just like the thoughts in her mind. She hasn't been home for a long time.

She has been busy, roaming country and wielding sword. In a few days she will be walking the halls of the palace that had embraced and cultivated her. But home should not be so welcoming. Not for a woman who has betrayed her lover with another man, and who now longs for her first love.

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**Drabble Two: Wonder**

He wonders if. If his parents have found each other again. If he will be a good king. If his friends are too busy to remember that he is their friend as well as their king. If he, Tortall's beloved Prince and now King, should feel this alone and this abandoned.

He wonders why. Why he isn't disturbed by the thought that, one of these days, while his bed and body is warmed by beautiful childlike Josaine, that loneliness will cripple his heart complete, and he will breathe his last breath, Alanna's name painfully and lovingly etched on his lips.

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**Drabble Three: Solace**

She lays on the cot quietly and restlessly. She tries to forget that she is in George's home, and that he is sleeping in the room on her right, with Liam to her left. She is given the room in between, and she thinks that this is her punishment.

She tries to get some sleep. The sea travelling has left her tired and cranky. She can hear George's snoring through the thin walls between them, but somehow that sound has lost its comforting quality. She finds sleep and solace hours later, when midnight reigns, and dreams are filled with old memories.

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**Drabble Four: Upright**

He struggles to stay upright and confident, like the sovereign he is suppose to be. In the past few days, he has gotten better at controlling his emotions. He can see that Gary and Raoul and all the people are in need of their King.

Yet now, as the red-haired woman stands in front of him after two years, determination and anger and sadness envelope him whole. He bends in half to fall into her arms and he breaks, but they both don't mind, because she is Alan and she is Alanna, and she can put him back together.

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**Drabble Five: Stranger**

The room is large and tame and decorated. She is received back like a hero and treated as a dignitary. It amuses and delights her, but guilt and sadness invades her body and suddenly all she wants is to be Alan again.

Because Alan was a familiar trusted friend who earned his shield as well as his place in everyone's hearts. Alanna the Lioness is a stranger, a legend who is admired but not befriended, renown but not known. A stranger whom she sees Jon respects highly and converses with maturely, but no longer showers with playfulness and deep affection.

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**Drabble Six: Picture**

He tilts the paper to look at the picture from different angles. He hasn't done this for years. Although his technique has improved, the sketch still resembles a heap of lines and circles. He refers to his memory and he pictures Princess Thayet's silky raven hair, porcelain skin and shy smile.

Minutes later, he crumples the paper in frustration. Perhaps he is drawing inspiration from the wrong place. Shutting his eyes, answers do not come to him. Only an image—old but vivid—of a red-faced, red-haired girl, who needs not to be drawn to be remembered nor paid homage to.

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**Drabble Seven: Possibility**

She has, by coincidence, stumbled into the one situation no one _ever_ thinks is likely. Accompanied by George and Thayet, she walks into Jon's private library with the intention of confirming her acceptance of the position as King's Champion.

The three of them halt as four surprised faces greet them. Jon behind his desk, Liam sitting in a spare chair, and an irritated Lady Delia standing to the side with an equally lovely Princess Josaine. Terrifyingly, as she meets Jon's disbelieving stare, she cannot find the confidence, nor the reason as to why she is there in the first place.

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**Drabble Eight: Status Quo**

An immediate awareness zips through the room, thick tension following it obediently. After a quick glance around, he notices George's touch on the Lioness' arm and his gaze slides away automatically in discomfort and yearning.

Liam's palpable cough brings his interest to Thayet instead, and he tries to think of a solution to ease her sudden anxiety. He feels Delia's calculating stare, and hears Josaine's little hiss at this. Most of all, he ignores the panic in Alanna's eyes and for once, places her second in his priorities. Because, he thought bitterly, at least Thayet, unlike Alanna, _wanted_ his love.

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**Drabble Nine: Acceptance**

The three days since she confirmed her refusal of Jonathan's proposal a second time, has seen a change in their relationship. Although they are no longer the Jon and the Alan of their youth, they are still the same two souls facing everything together.

She likes Thayet, and she knows that her Prince has a future in the Princess from Sarain. She had nodded and voiced affirmation in response to Jon's question, _"Are you positive we couldn't make a good marriage?"_ She just hadn't the heart to tell him that it had severed her ties of any future with George.

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**Drabble Ten: Tribulation**

He blocks out the images and the feelings, dazed and exhausted. He feels his legs stumbling through the Chamber doors, hears the rustling of the priests' robes, and focuses on that throbbing in his ears.

When he looks up, his cousin offers a steady arm, and he takes it gratefully, planting his weight. He has passed the Ordeal of Kings like he did the Ordeal of Knighthood. As Alanna locks into his side, he slumps completely, trusting himself raw to these two people. His eyes close, and all that is left is the greatest test of all: life and love.

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**Drabble Eleven: Weakness**

Her eyes dampen foolishly as she realises how much he has matured. She goes to follow Gary exit, but Jon suddenly grips her wrist. "'Lanna, don't lea—" His whisper is broken, and she leans down to kiss his forehead.

"Rest, Jon. I'll be here."

"No I—" And she allows him to pull her in. Her lips meet his, and her hands fall into his hair as he holds her fiercely. She feels the desperation, the fear and the pain, and she lends him the strength and love he had so freely given since the moment she laid eyes on him.

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**Drabble Twelve: Cure**

The exhaustion is non-existent, and all he wants is _this._ His clothes are removed hastily, joining hers on the floor. Their kisses are violent, bruising. He wants to imprint himself all over her body, into her blood and to her soul. They forego teasing and slow enjoyment.

Suddenly he is twenty-one again, and he thrusts up into her welcoming heat. The strangled moans that escape her throat spur him on, faster and harder. Her legs open wider, clamping on his hips, and he sucks on her neck hungrily. Making love to Alanna was his only source of healing.

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**Drabble Thirteen: Unrivalled**

The sun is setting when she stirs. She blearily sees his lazy grin, and rolls to face him when he brushes her nipple. Before she can worry about consequences, she is sitting atop him, her pregnancy charm dangling between them as she rocks back and forth.

The pulsing pleasure in her core is screaming, and she hears herself pleading. "Oh Gods, Jon, more. _Please_ more!" He quickly flips them over and holds her hands restrained above her head, as he complies her demands. Her screams echo, and the only thing that beats the ecstasy are the palpitations in her chest.

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**Drabble Fourteen: Truth**

He leaves first, allowing a silent Alanna to wash and get dressed. When he shuts the door behind him, a red-faced Raoul and a concerned Gary sit outside the room. He freezes for a moment, mortification and horror crossing his mind when sees the game of chess on the table.

"How long have you two been...?"

"Long enough to hea—" But Raoul's wolfish grin is cut short as Gary kicks him childishly.

"So it is Alanna." Gary's serious face mirrors his anxiety. "What happens now, Jon?"

"I don't know." And he laughs without humour, because that's the truth.

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**Drabble Fifteen: Stolen**

Her tunic hangs on the chair and her hands are stroking his hardness through his breeches. The wall is cold behind her back, but her front is on fire with desire. She bites on his lower lip, wondering if she will regret this after.

As Jon slips two fingers inside her, she kisses him hard, stealing his breath. _It's always been Jon, hasn't it?_ She remembers the desolate recognition in George's eyes. He may have been the King of Thieves, but he couldn't steal the one thing he wanted most. Even now, Jon still holds her heart in his hands.

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**Drabble Sixteen: Argument**

When Alanna gets into a minor dispute with one of the new council members, she refuses to speak to anyone. It dawns on him exactly _why_ a marriage between them will never work. Now, as he sits alone after Thayet has left his room, he smiles sadly.

His future decided, he is determined to serve his people well. He congratulates himself on getting this far, and prays to every deity for strength. He cannot argue with fate. And apparently, neither can he argue with Thayet's words. _We cannot hurt each other, because we have yet to be in love completely._

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**Drabble Seventeen: Perpetuate**

Alanna the Lioness stares back at her from the shiny surface of Raoul's chain mail. Page Alan's dream and Squire Alan's years of hard work have earned her the honour of King's Champion.

As the silver crown is lowered on Jon's head, she smiles, and she knows that in the crowd, a disappointed George and a saddened Thayet are proud too. And although Jon may be a King without a Queen, he still has her. For before they had passion, they had friendship. And no matter the outcome, duty nor love can never destroy one as strong as theirs.


End file.
